chapter one.

do you ever feel as though you dont belong? like you are from another family? and the one you have been living with for the past 17 years is not right? as if they dont care, or they dont believe in you? Thats how i have felt for ever. i may not be able to define my problems with my family through this new writing thing, but i will try very hard to allow you to understand.

through my eyes, im wearing a mask. this mask is a smile.. a smile i would happily trade for anything. My parents expect me to be the little angel, but i am only able to be that angel for so long. i can be in an okay mood, and go see my mom, and walk away in such a horrible mood, as if someone died, and im past the sorrow part, im now on the anger part of the mourning.

I guess i should let you all know a little about me.

My name is Shane, im 17, my birthday is April 23.

oh yeah.. i know my name is shane, but im a girl.

this is me. >

im just a small town girl from a little town in Chester Pennsylvania, i wont get into the details of that. I have always been a small town girl. *i was raised as a small town. its all i know. until now.

I have only had one real friend since i can rememeber, her name is Grace. She is 17 now, but we have drifted. I have always been a little jelous of Grace, her parents showered her with gifts, and allowed her to do what ever she pleased! go out late, stay out late, spend as much money as she wanted, on anything she wanted. She was who i wanted to be. She would complain when she didn't get a new Balenciaga bag, or when she wasn't allowed to borrow the Mercedes. I complain when my mom Alysson (btw) wouldn't drive me to the mall or when i have to quickly clean up the kicthen. I adjusted to this lifestyle when Grace and I entered highschool. Grace was allowed to go out after school, while i was forced to come home right away, and do my homework. And lets just say, homework is NOT my favorite thing to be doing. Unfortunatly my mother persisted on checking my homework.. every night. This was good and bad, good because my grades in school were really amazing, above standard, and bad because i had absolutley no freedom. none. at all.

you may be reading this, and saying.. OVER EXAGURATED...

not at all.

i also dont want you reading this and saying.. AWWW, I FEEL SOOOO BAD...

because i cant hande pitty masked with sorrow. Nobody really feels bad, you typically feel good about how your life doesn't suck as much.

wow. i most deffinatley got off track there! So like i was saying i have lived in Pennsylvania my whole life. and i have accepted that i will live here for my whole life. I'll probably be stuck living with my parents for the rest of my life, just because of the luck i have.

sometimes i wish i lived somewhere else were i had more friends... because right now Grace is ignoring me, and all the girls in my high school are really caddy, and there just too much. at least for me.

Grace had become more social, and even more gorgeous than before.

this is her >

like i said she has become more social.

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tonights been a long night, ill finish filling you in tomorrow <3

this is NOT the end of chapter one.

love shane <3