take life with a grain of salt.

so where'd i leave off.
oh yeah Grace. Me and her hung out constantly first semester grade nine. Then for second semester, we had different classes, and suddenly we had different friends.. well she had different friends, i just lost one.
Im sort of over it, because i have learned to live my life without worry about what people thought, i had no need to focus on what my judgemental "best friend" thought of my new skirt, or my new haircut. I just did what i wanted, and i think that had helped me had this amazing confidence, because i had never really been judged. Well i have been, i go to high school, so i do get looks and giggles if im testing out a new trend im starting ahah :) i have learnt to take looks and giggles with a grain of salt. by that i mean, dont take it too seriously, accept its there, but dont focus your time on it.

i sit here on my bed with a secret i havent told you yet.

are you ready?

well about a month ago my mom sat me down, i was watching videos online, just wasting time :) and she said (i remember clearly)
"Shane, your father and i have something to tell you"
"Shoot"
"Your dad has been transferred to New York City for work"
p.s. my dad is a CEO of a small magazine, that started in Chester but had now been published throughout the states
"wait..? what?!"
"Honey, there opening an office in Manhattan, and were all going to move to New York."
all i did was look at her with a blank look on my face.
"When are we moving?"
"In a week"

this was said 5 days ago.
meaning i move to NYC in 2 days. My entire house is packed, the only thing that is not packed is our bedding, and my vanity.. and well food and bathroom stuff.. but you know what i mean. This is all new to me. i have lived in a small town my entire life, and now im going to have to live in New York, i have always wanted to live in a city, but when i was 25, and living on my own. Not for my senior year of highschool. IM FREAKING OUT!!!!
the only up-side i can think of is that i wont be leaving any friends. hah.
i didn't know if this was a good thing, or a bad? In New York someone is bound to ask me about my friends from Chester.. what will i say? 'ughh.. what friends?' oh man. im such a loser. WHY do i have to move? cant i just stay here, and live alone? i think i would be happy, at least content with myself? oh idk!! what should i do!?

well anyways... back to me sitting on my bed. in a basically empty room.. im listen to 'The Right Stuff' by The New Kids on the Block, as lame as they are, i am madly in love with them! especially Jordan <3. id="SPELLING_ERROR_22" class="blsp-spelling-error">ahaha
well enough about jordan knight..

so does anyone know anything about New York? im kind of freaking out! i think its more of the 'i dont know what to expect' aspect of moving to Manhattan.
ugggggh.
crap.. im screwed arn't i?

chapter one.

do you ever feel as though you dont belong? like you are from another family? and the one you have been living with for the past 17 years is not right? as if they dont care, or they dont believe in you? Thats how i have felt for ever. i may not be able to define my problems with my family through this new writing thing, but i will try very hard to allow you to understand.

through my eyes, im wearing a mask. this mask is a smile.. a smile i would happily trade for anything. My parents expect me to be the little angel, but i am only able to be that angel for so long. i can be in an okay mood, and go see my mom, and walk away in such a horrible mood, as if someone died, and im past the sorrow part, im now on the anger part of the mourning.

I guess i should let you all know a little about me.

My name is Shane, im 17, my birthday is April 23.

oh yeah.. i know my name is shane, but im a girl.

this is me. >

im just a small town girl from a little town in Chester Pennsylvania, i wont get into the details of that. I have always been a small town girl. *i was raised as a small town. its all i know. until now.

I have only had one real friend since i can rememeber, her name is Grace. She is 17 now, but we have drifted. I have always been a little jelous of Grace, her parents showered her with gifts, and allowed her to do what ever she pleased! go out late, stay out late, spend as much money as she wanted, on anything she wanted. She was who i wanted to be. She would complain when she didn't get a new Balenciaga bag, or when she wasn't allowed to borrow the Mercedes. I complain when my mom Alysson (btw) wouldn't drive me to the mall or when i have to quickly clean up the kicthen. I adjusted to this lifestyle when Grace and I entered highschool. Grace was allowed to go out after school, while i was forced to come home right away, and do my homework. And lets just say, homework is NOT my favorite thing to be doing. Unfortunatly my mother persisted on checking my homework.. every night. This was good and bad, good because my grades in school were really amazing, above standard, and bad because i had absolutley no freedom. none. at all.

you may be reading this, and saying.. OVER EXAGURATED...

not at all.

i also dont want you reading this and saying.. AWWW, I FEEL SOOOO BAD...

because i cant hande pitty masked with sorrow. Nobody really feels bad, you typically feel good about how your life doesn't suck as much.

wow. i most deffinatley got off track there! So like i was saying i have lived in Pennsylvania my whole life. and i have accepted that i will live here for my whole life. I'll probably be stuck living with my parents for the rest of my life, just because of the luck i have.

sometimes i wish i lived somewhere else were i had more friends... because right now Grace is ignoring me, and all the girls in my high school are really caddy, and there just too much. at least for me.

Grace had become more social, and even more gorgeous than before.

this is her >

like i said she has become more social.

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tonights been a long night, ill finish filling you in tomorrow <3

this is NOT the end of chapter one.

love shane <3